Six months ago

Six months ago I had my own business, I was a qualified childminder looking forward to my Ofsted visit. It was expected that I would get good or outstanding. All my places were full, I had people on my waiting list and I was earning a good living. I was also spending quality time with my children.

That was until the end of August. Then our life got turned upside down. Looking back over the last six months it is amazing at how quickly things become routine. Taking medicines every night is no longer a struggle with Elizabeth, having thumb pricks and lumbar punctures is just part of life. Even the inevitable overnight stays although annoying at the time are just part of what we have to accept.

Financially our life has changed a lot but we can still live and eat and enjoy days out. Yes I have had to make sacrifices and more sensible choices along the way but that isn’t a problem. I just prioritised things and went on a diet. This meant that chocolate and wine would no longer be on my shopping bill and helped reduce it dramatically.

Cancer is a horrible, horrible thing but day to day we are learning to live with it.

We are lucky now, we are entering Maintenance.

A fabulous stage where apart from her daily oral medicines Elizabeth will only have chemotherapy once a month and a lumbar puncture every three months.

A brilliant stage where her hickman line (wiggle) can come out and she can start enjoying physical activities again. Where I wont cringe if someone plays a little bit too rough, or panic that it will get wet in the bath, a time where we can go and enjoy theme parks and swimming baths and where we can hope to become more of a normal family.

Her hair will start to grow back and hopefully her body shape will return to normal so that she will not be too fat from the steroids or too thin from the Chemotherapy.

This is also the time for me to let go, to allow Elizabeth a normal childhood and to let her go back to school. It is half term here at the moment but come Monday I will be dressing my big girl in the school uniform that has been hanging in her wardrobe since July. I will be going back to doing the morning school run but it will be the first school run when I have to say goodbye to both of my girls.

What am I going to do with myself?