I have always been weird

This year has been enlightening in a lot of ways but the main change has been how I have thought about myself. To give a little bit of background I have been trying to get my teenager help from the mental health team since they were around 7 or 8. They have always struggled with certain things and I could see a lot of the things I struggled with as a kid in them. Not wanting them to have to go through the same internal torment that I went through I reached out for help. We looked at autism but it didn’t quite fit, PDA was a little bit closer but they didn’t struggle with social interaction more the fact that they found the whole thing too much. Earlier this year I became aware of Louise, a fellow blogger receiving her ADHD diagnosis. Intrigued I did some research of my own and suddenly I had the answers. Now 6 months later my teenager has an ADHD diagnosis and has started medication, my younger daughter is at the start of the process and today I signed up for a private diagnosis for myself.

Understanding ADHD was like suddenly a light was switched on in my brain and all my quirks, my weirdness, my impulsivity all made sense. I mean who starts a company when their kid is in the middle of cancer treatment! I have always stated I have an addictive personality so I can’t do certain things like going to a casino or playing on certain arcade machines or smoking. I have a horrible habit of impulse spending when I don’t need to and the amount of times I have booked holidays without asking my husband is a little bit crazy. I am surrounded by clutter, I need alarms to eat and my ‘organisation’ is other peoples idea of hell but I am amazing at getting shit done at the last minute, fantastic at multi-tasking (although usually not very good at finishing things) and my thirst for knowledge is second to none. I learn as much as I can about anything that interests me and I have specialised in lots of things. Did you know I was a qualified accountant and a qualified childminder? Yet I do neither of these things. I also learnt loads about Prince2, implementing ISO standards and even dabbled in a bit of coding. I am an amazing problem solver and I spot problems before others as my brain thinks through scenarios in different ways and majorly overthinks them.

Over the years I learnt to mask my difficulties, put things in place to help me remember things (thank fuck for Alexa!) and I ensure that any work role I have gives me the autonomy I need to be absolutely shocking at getting stuff done one day and then hyperfocus the hell out of it all the next.

So I am looking forward to seeing what next year brings as I focus on my mental health. I have decided to go privately as the NHS waiting lists are crazy right now. It isn’t cheap but for once I am prioritising me. Sadly I still have to wait until April for my appointment. Maybe my 38th birthday will bring with it an ADHD diagnosis!