Working through a separation or divorce is rarely smooth sailing, especially when children are involved. It’s natural to worry about how they will react and cope with the situation.
Understanding how the breakdown of your relationship can affect children of different ages is crucial for providing the support and stability they need during this challenging time. But with sufficient awareness, you’ll be able to help them adjust to their new family dynamic.
Infants and pre-schoolers (ages 0-3)
Very young children may struggle to understand why one parent is no longer living with them. You might start to see signs of separation anxiety or regressions in their sleeping and eating. Tantrums can also become more frequent due to increased irritability.
It’s therefore important to maintain a consistent routine as much as possible, offering comfort and reassurance through physical affection and calm words. Try to keep familiar objects and toys around them and ensure both parents remain actively involved in their care.
Even simple activities like reading stories or playing games together can reinforce a sense of love and security.
Primary-school-aged children (ages 4-11)
Kids in this age group can often comprehend more but may still struggle with sadness, anger, confusion or guilt. They might worry about whose fault it is or fear they’ll be abandoned by both parents.
Openly acknowledge their feelings and encourage them to express themselves through words, drawings or play. Answer their questions honestly but in an age-appropriate way, avoiding placing any blame. You can reassure them that their parents still love them and will continue to be there for them.
Maintaining consistent routines remains essential, but you can also ensure they continue to stay connected with friends and engage in hobbies they enjoy.
Adolescents and young adults (12-18)
Teenagers may experience a range of more intense emotions, including anger and resentment. They might feel caught in the middle of the conflict or fear how it will affect their social life and future.
While they’re developing independence, they still need support and understanding. Encourage open communication and actively listen to their concerns without judgment. Allow them to express their feelings, even if they might be directed at you. If you notice worrying shifts in their behaviour or academic performance, consider seeking professional support from a counsellor or therapist.
Every child is unique and will react to separation in their own way. The most important thing you can do is provide a loving and supportive environment where they feel safe. Stay in contact with your ex-partner so you can prioritise your children’s wellbeing throughout the process.
If you’re struggling to agree on arrangements for your children, you may want to consider seeking advice from family law solicitors. They can help you figure out your options and reach a resolution that’s in the best interests of your kids.