Could I cope with cancer

If you had asked me that this time last year I would have said no. Not at all.

Now things have changed. Not only are we coping with Cancer but we are thriving. Ok things have had to change a little bit. Those of you that read this blog a lot will notice a lot more paid posts which I do try to make interesting for you. I am sorry that sometimes like today there are quite a few but I have bills to pay and a backlog after I broke my laptop yesterday morning.

So anyway the reason I am writing this is because of the news that Angelina Jolie had her boobs cut off and new ones put in because she carried a faulty gene. It meant that she had a really high chance of getting breast cancer and so she made the decision to go ahead with preventative surgery and I couldn’t be happier for her.

I have seen what cancer has done to this family and I know that if I was the one going through it and not able to be the strong backbone that I am, the one holding it all together and organising everything, I know that this super strong family would fall apart.

Since Elizabeth’s diagnosis I have had a fear. A fear made all too real when two weeks ago I found a lump in my right armpit.

I haven’t blogged about it.

I couldn’t even think about it.

The fear was eating me up inside.

But I have been here before.

I have had a lump before and everything was fine.

But what if.

What if this time it is not an enlarged lymph node.

What if it is not down to stress and exhaustion.

What if this time it is one of the things I fear most.

What if I have got cancer, 

The doctors are not too worried but they have referred me so now I am just waiting.

Waiting for an appointment for a scan for something that could be, and more than likely is, nothing.

But if it is nothing why are they sending me for a scan?

Now I know there is cancer in the family I fear that we will all get it in some form.

I fear that I have a dodgy gene that gave it to Elizabeth.

I fear for Alison.

But most of all I fear that I couldn’t cope with cancer in the way that Elizabeth has.

With a smile and a fight.