If you’ve managed to raise your babies into tweens, then you know you’ve got some weird conversations coming up. Weird because most of the time teenagers find conversations with parents that are serious, awkward. If you are not covering the sex talk, you’re covering the talk about drink and drugs. But there’s one talk that you do need to have and that’s about curfew.
You’re not going to be authoritarian on this issue because unless you want your teenager to hate you, you need to discuss this with them as they are: a mature individual. Yes, we all know that tweens are not emotionally mature yet, which is why they can’t be out all the time by themselves. Trust is so important. You may have a parental monitoring app on their devices already so the discussion of trust has already been addressed, but what about when they want to get offline and leave the house? A different type of monitoring app can help, but so can a discussion about curfews.
The conversation that you have now is going to make a big difference in your relationship and in the way that you’ve both treated each other when it comes to things like curfews and responsibility. Online app trust is a good way to teach them to be responsible. Curfews are another. Here are some tips to make that conversation go smoothly.
- Keep the conversation open. This is not you sitting opposite them at a table and dictating to them what they will be doing or else. This is a conversation about their opinions on curfews and what they believe reasonable means. If you’re talking to a 13 year old, a curfew of 8:00 PM on the weekend is going to be way more reasonable than 11:00 PM for a 13 year old child, because there’s nothing a 13 year old child should be doing out that late for. But you want to talk to them and come up with a compromise together so that you both feel like you’re part of the conversation.
- Talk about what a curfew is for. It’s not just about making sure they come in before dark. Curfews teach teenagers self-control, time management and responsibility. If your tween can teach themselves to be responsible and adhere to curfew, then they know and you know that they can be trusted. This makes all the difference for when they turn 17 and 18 and they want a lot more rope.
- Decide a curfew together. Talk to them about the current curfew they have, and if they don’t have one, discuss one together. A set curfew can be done all week long, but you may find you different between school nights and weekend nights. You may even put in some caveats, such as on certain days you’d prefer a parent to go and collect them from wherever they are.
Remember, this is a DISCUSSION, not a dictatorship. You’ll garner far more respect as a result.