Acceptance

When we came onto the ward on Thursday someone said within a few days everything will settle down and you will get into a routine. I couldn’t believe it. I am not the best person for hospitals but actually that is when its for me. I was discharged after just a day and a half when I had both my girls even though they were C-sections. They discharged me because I couldn’t sleep and I couldn’t settle. When Elizabeth was one we had a meningitis scare, well actually she was dehydrated due to the hot weather and not enough fluids and they wanted to rule it out due to finding a freckle on her foot. I knew there was nothing wrong and begrudged every minute of the three days that me and Elizabeth stayed in hospital. I now know that it is not the staying in hospital that is the problem it is knowing that you could be better off outside of the hospital.

I know the best place for us now to be is right here in hospital and so I have accepted that, I have accepted the routines, the disturbances and everything that goes with it but most of all I have accepted that Elizabeth has Cancer and that we are going to fight it and we are going to win. That acceptance means that I am strong, I am calm and I feel like nothing can phase me. I would say its almost like nothing is worrying me but thats not quite true. Nothing inside this bubble of a hospital is worrying me, however money, bills, childcare and keeping things normal for Alison are all things that are at the back of my mind. I hope that on Monday I will get to meet our Macmillan nurse and Elizabeth’s social worker and that they will help with all of these things.

Elizabeth is doing well today, she has had to have a blood transfusion due to her red blood cells being slightly too low and she has had her first full dose of Chemotherapy. She doesn’t like taking her medicines or having her blood pressure done and shows her displeasure in her own ways. She will soon overcome this as she gets used to it happening.

Elizabeth has enjoyed today and her bed is looking a lot more cheery now after I had some friends arrive with balloons and other supplies including her all time favourite Watermelon. She especially enjoyed the lovely parcel sent from the Butlins team with a Bonnie Bear Balloon and other goodies for her. It really brought a tear to my eye seeing the smile spread on her face as she opened that box. They were even kind enough to put some bits in for Alison too. At times like this I think the small things are what makes a difference.