A hard word to hear

I never realised that one word could have such an effect on how I feel.

I never believed it would bother me at all.

Hearing this one word makes my heart ache and soar at the same time.

In the last week I have become MUM.

Not Mummy, not anymore, well not from the mouth of Elizabeth anyway.

It seems turning six has made my little girl grow up, she is too old to call me Mummy now.

I never thought there was a difference in those two words but every time I hear the word Mum I look at her in a whole new way.

My baby has grown up, she has grown wise, she has gone and is still going through so much.

I have never really looked at how her illness, treatment and her life in general has changed her. I have never really thought about what might have been different. How our life might be if we had never been touched so heavily by cancer. What would this gorgeous six year old be doing now? Gynastics? riding her bike? Dance lessons? she had so many things she wanted to do that were put to one side when she became ill.

I know I can’t turn back time but surely six is far to young to decide she doesnt need a Mummy and is happy with a Mum?